Ladies, Men Like Everything You Like

Yesterday, a reader asked me if I get turned off by females who still live at their parents place and if I could ever consider a woman who lives there in my league.

My short answer was no and yes. It’s not necessarily a turn off when a woman lives at her own place, and I would never look at a woman who does as less than or insufficient. But be clear, this is not to say things like this don’t matter to men like me. They do, more than women may think.

I don’t know how many women think pretty is sufficient enough, but for those who do, they need a reality check. Pretty works, don’t get me wrong, but men want to sleep with the pretty girls, they don’t necessarily want to get into anything long term with them, and if they do, it’s because they like to have nice, pretty things around them. They need a pretty face to go with their pretty car or pretty house or pretty clothes.

The things that make a woman a keeper are the same things many women think of as keeper qualities in men. Just because a man won’t cross a woman’s name off of a list because she still lives with her mom and he can only come over when she’s working the graveyard shift, doesn’t mean he put her on a list of women he’d like to marry. No doubt, men place a high premium on things like a** and t*tties. I don’t know one man who doesn’t uphold these things, but if the a** and t*tties come with good credit and a mortgage, oh he’s definitely playing for keeps.

And here is where people are going to comment and tell me things like, how superficial all of this is, how the statistics show the more financially independent and educated she is the less likely she is to get married, how men need to have these things too if they want women to have the same, and to all of this I say, true.

True, it is definitely as superficial to fall for someone’s resume as it is for someone’s looks, but I much prefer to talk about realities that exist rather than ones that don’t. So attack me on this front all you want, it won’t change the culture we live in anytime soon.

True, the statistics do tell a different story than the one I’m telling here. I understand there are a lot of lonely woman atop the corporate ladder, but have you seen the statistic about people with degrees and how much more sex they have than the people who don’t have degrees? This tells me all these unmarried presidents of companies are just unmarried, but they’re not lonely.

As for the last counter-argument, I think I agree to a certain extent. If a man wants a woman who is accomplished in life, he should be doing all he can to be just as accomplished. Want a woman who graduated from college? Well, go to college fool. Want a woman who has a good job? Try to get a good job too, preferably at the same place she has a good job, and watch your chances increase exponentially.

Unfortunately, I also live by a philosophy that all men should approach women they have no business approaching in the first place, which is exactly how when I was bar-backing at a restaurant in college at the age of 20, I asked for the number of a customer. She was an attorney, 8 years my senior, and two months later, I was her man, and I can’t even front, I loved all the superficial things as much as I loved the real things. I loved calling up her office and hearing her assistant tell me, “Oh hold on Jozen, I’ll put you right through to her.” I loved going to her office to bring her some take out if she was going to pull an all-nighter. I loved seeing her mow through depositions and complain about how a certain judge was a prick.

But enough about me and her, back to what this is really about. I don’t know why men are attracted to women with a certain resume, but I will take a wild guess here.

It’s not so much men want a woman who has a college degree because it’s a college degree or they want a woman with a six-figure salary because it’s a six-figure salary. Men aren’t into accomplished women for the fringe benefits that come with their accomplishments. I think what it comes down to is men ultimately are attracted to a woman who is talented or good at what she does, and however off base it may be to assume a college degree or six-figure salary is an indicator of such things, they are still pretty good gauges. We like a woman who is good at what she does and knows how to reward herself for being good at what she does. I think for men, talent and the ability to put that talent to good use, is what makes men want to play for keeps. It’s that ambition, baby.

Like I said before, I loved telling people that in college, I dated an attorney, but what I really enjoyed telling people is she was a damn good one, so good in fact she is now a partner in her law firm, the first and only black female with such a distinction. I know stuff like that is superficial, and I probably shouldn’t get so caught up in such shallow things, but if you dated someone with a similar resume, wouldn’t you do the same?